Self Esteem

That's what Carleen talked about in class on Tuesday. It's getting more challenging to go with Mr.-Wants-to-Walk-but-Can't, but I'm still going. I don't always hear it all, and can't always write things down, but it's still fun for Ab and a little boost for me. Carleen started with a disclaimer to not grab on to guilt like us mom's and women tend to do. Then she said it. And I'm still trying not to grab on, and it's been a few days :) She said, " A child's self esteem will not rise beyond that of the mothers." BAM! So the first step to instilling positive self esteem in my children, is to examine my own. The second step is to help them find out who they are. She said that we tend to label our children and their friends. "Suzy the soccer player, and Tim the artist". Instead, we need to help them know that they are first a child that God, that happens to be good at playing soccer. Third, fall in love with them. It sounds like a given, but unconditionally. All lot of the time, our kids feel like we will only love them if they are a certain way. Their persecption is that mommy loves me when I'm good. But I need to remember that they are people too. And wrap my arms around them when the rules are broken. She also said that self esteem can not be built in a group setting. The one on one, the small talk, the personal validation, that's when they discover them selves, and build positive self esteem. Their positive bank account must be full. 10/1 ratio of positive to negative. She gave some things that need to be happening in our home that will help my kids want to be at home. Happy recognition. Just coming to them with a smile. A smile and a touch at the crossroads. I've noticed that it helps me have the right attitude, and is an example to Ab of how we should be to one another. Near the end of the class she asked us to write down 5 things we do great. There was a little moan, and someone asked if they could just be "good at" them. She didn't respond, and gave us a couple of minutes to make our list. Some people couldn't come up with 5, and then she said to think about 5 things we needed to work on. :) How quickly we are to look at our faults and weaknesses instead of the positive. That is the challenage. We are the example to the next generation. I want to be that woman my little girl wants to grow up to be like. Ab thinks I can do anything, ... and I hope that never changes.